For many years I have been a fan of the Meg Langslow mysteries, set in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley. I have especially admired the titles: the bird puns: “The Falcon Always Wings Twice” or “Murder Most Fowl.” “Between a Flock and a Hard Place” the 35th, is not too bad either, but the book is a disappointment.
It is too long and a little preachy. The Rex Stout/ Nero Wolfe mystery, “Fer de Lance” is 186 pages. Earl Stanley Gardner’s Perry Mason thriller, “The Case of the Bigamous Spouse,” is 166. “The Maltese Falcon,” the granddaddy of them all, is 178 pages. This latest Andrews is 296 pages, and there is no body discovered until page 131.
What was happening before that? you might ask. Well, some pranksters lured 212 feral turkeys—not, we are told, wild turkeys—from the woods into a truck and dumped them at night on a street in Caerphilly, Virginia. The turkeys are a menace. They begin by destroying lawns and gardens, flower and vegetable. They even tear up paving stones, we are told, to get at worms and bugs beneath.
They are aggressive, even dangerous to humans, especially the large Toms. The residents defend themselves with garden rakes and unfurled umbrellas. We are told that turkeys are descended from velociraptors, so violence comes naturally.
The mayor and police force are determined to capture the birds quickly, but no turkeys must be the slightest bit injured in this operation. The characters seem unable to remember that in the USA we kill millions of turkeys every November. In any case, these birds are to be treated gently. We are repeatedly made aware of animal rights. We are also given mini-lectures on invasive species, which have become an obsession of Andrews’.
There is even a gender/language lesson. Whoever organized this “prank” obviously needed a lot of help. The chief of police muses: “‘How did he recruit them?’ ‘He or she,’ [Meg] corrected.” (Because Meg is now special assistant to the mayor, she is in town helping him solve these problems.)
Simultaneously, in the middle of the block, there was a TV house makeover show, “Marvelous Mansions,” being filmed. The crew is surprisingly incompetent, the show possibly fraudulent: the house is falling down. When the body is discovered on the floor of a backyard shed, there are lots of suspects, including a mysterious fellow with a dozen computers in his rented room, and a fantastic electric bill. Neighborhood feuds and marital discord are uncovered.
The turkeys, treated as if they were Faberge eggs, are rounded up and the males all given vasectomies, with the reader assured they will live out their days in comfort, at the zoo, being observed for scientific purposes.
Along the way, Meg and the police solve the murder.
