ADRIAN MA, HOST:
Some performers have a unique skill of walking this line between comedy and tragedy. And in the case of actor Rob Delaney, that comes from a well of lived experience. He's overcome alcoholism, career slumps and maybe the worst kind of loss, losing his 2-year-old son, Henry, to brain cancer. Delaney currently stars in the summer blockbuster, "Deadpool & Wolverine," as well as the TV show, "Bad Monkey." Recently, he joined NPR's Rachel Martin on her podcast, Wild Card. It's a show where guests choose questions from random from a deck of cards and open up about the memories, insights and beliefs that have shaped their life. Here's a bit of Rachel's chat with Rob Delaney.
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RACHEL MARTIN: Round 1 - memories. I'm holding three cards in my hand. Pick a card - one, two or three.
ROB DELANEY: Two, please.
MARTIN: Two - what's a moment when a stranger made you feel loved?
DELANEY: Oh, my gosh. You've really - I don't - I want to be honest with you now. But, you know, I have some memories that I've never told people before, not ever, anyone. And it's not that they're so intense, but they're just sort of, like, these touchstone things that I can revisit when I'm, like, sad or angry to think about people's goodness. And one is so strange. It's a snowy day. I'm in elementary school, maybe fourth grade. And I remember I was in a hallway at my school. I don't know if I'd gone to the bathroom or something. And an adult woman who didn't work at the school - I don't know who she was - but came in and, like, snow came in with her and was, you know, swirling around her.
And it was like a couple - it was maybe the last day of school before Christmas. And I remember she looked at me, and she just said, I hope you have a merry Christmas. And she made eye contact with me, and I'd never seen her before. And it just felt so nice to have an adult stranger look at me, a stranger boy, and just say something, you know, just nothing remarkable, but just a sweet thing. And it just oddly touched me. I think she might have been an angel.
MARTIN: Do you actually think that?
DELANEY: Yeah, because why did it stick with me for so many years?
MARTIN: Yeah, yeah.
DELANEY: So it's one of those things where, like, there was something deeper happening in that moment than just the words and just the eye contact. So yeah, I think she was a special person who visited me. And I also feel nervous that I told you about it 'cause that's, like, one of my sort of special memories. So please anyone listening forget you heard this, or alternately, please treasure it like I do.
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MARTIN: Now we're moving to Round 2, which is insights - three new cards. Pick a card - one, two or three.
DELANEY: Let's go with one.
MARTIN: What is a failure you still think about?
DELANEY: A failure - the thing is, is I love failure now. I love it. I smash it up into a powder, and I snort it. It's so good.
MARTIN: (Laughter).
DELANEY: The first pilot I made after "Catastrophe" - "Catastrophe," like, did well as a show, ran for four seasons.
MARTIN: Yeah, totally.
DELANEY: It won awards. I mean, it was...
MARTIN: Yeah, I loved it.
DELANEY: Thank you. And then the pilot I made after that, every network was like, get out, this stinks.
MARTIN: Oh, really?
DELANEY: And I was like, yes. Like, what - do you think that's going to stop me? You know, like, now I know that the staircase to success, the only thing you can build it out of is failures. So I'm glad that I still fail.
MARTIN: How did you get so wise on that? Like, you couldn't have just, you know, come out of the womb that way - or maybe?
DELANEY: No. God, no, I didn't. I think I - I mean, the death of our son has got to be a big part of that. Like, oh, the big network didn't want my show. So what? You know what I mean? Like...
MARTIN: Yeah, yeah.
DELANEY: So I'm not really phased by certain things that I used to be. And then, also, if you're going to be an artist of any value, you really have to guard and cultivate your humility, and nothing contributes to that like a solid failure (laughter). So...
MARTIN: (Laughter).
DELANEY: ...Yeah, now when I fail, I'm like, oh, cool, the next thing I do will be better.
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MARTIN: Round 3, last round, three more cards - one, two, three - this is beliefs.
DELANEY: OK.
MARTIN: One, two or three?
DELANEY: Two.
MARTIN: Two - was there a bedrock truth in your life that you found out was not true?
DELANEY: Yeah, I mean, it would be with my son Henry and the near-simultaneous death of my brother-in-law. You know, my son died, and then my sister's husband died. And there was a very brutal humbling that happened in my immediate and extended family that taught me that, yeah, you just - you do not know what's coming down the pike. And your idea that things that you lean on and depend on and people that you kiss and change their diaper or - you know, in my sister's case, she didn't change her husband's diaper, but she held his hand, you know, in bed at night, and they would watch "The Wire," which is the equivalent. And we loved those people so much, and then they were gone, both of them. And so I think, yeah, I believe that everything will, you know, generally be all right, and things can't break that horribly in one direction...
MARTIN: Yeah.
DELANEY: ...And more than one at a time. I mean, you know - but of course, it can, and it's very easy to flip on the news and find stories that are exponentially worse than the one I just told you.
MARTIN: Yeah.
DELANEY: You know, people lose entire families, you know, in an instant. And so that restructured sort of my grip on reality for sure. And...
MARTIN: Yeah, I remember when I was little, I used to have this thing - I don't know. I always play - since I was a kid, I would play around with worst-case scenarios, and I don't know what that says about me. But I would imagine that if something really bad happened...
DELANEY: Yeah.
MARTIN: ...That I would then inoculate myself, that that bad thing happening would...
DELANEY: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARTIN: ...Mean that no other bad things would happen.
DELANEY: Right.
MARTIN: And for some reason that gave me solace. And then you, like, grow up...
DELANEY: Totally.
MARTIN: ...And you realize, oh, that totally is not true. It's not like I fulfilled my quotient of bad things, and now I'm protected.
DELANEY: Yeah.
MARTIN: Yeah.
DELANEY: Well, I would love to go back. I'd like to time travel to that sweet little girl and hold her hands and look in her eyes and say, you're wrong.
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DELANEY: You cannot depend on that belief. Then I would take her for ice cream.
MARTIN: Yeah.
DELANEY: So it's not...
MARTIN: It's not such a bummer.
DELANEY: ...Pure monstrosity.
(LAUGHTER)
MA: That was comedian Rob Delaney speaking to Rachel Martin. And to listen to a longer version of that conversation, find NPR's Wild Card podcast wherever you get podcasts.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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