Arts & Life

Sandwich Monday: Domino's Specialty Chicken

By Ian Chillag

Published May 12, 2014 at 3:10 PM CDT

First, KFC replaced bread with chicken in the famous Double Down sandwich. Then, President Obama replaced Steven Chu with chicken as secretary of energy. Now, Domino's has created Specialty Chicken, which is essentially pizza with chicken in the place of crust.

Eva: The only thing left is pie dough made from chicken. Actually, that's not the only thing left.

Miles: I can't wait until we start breading chicken in more chicken.

Listed in the index under "Fats, Domino's."

Eva: It's a weird day when vegetarians have to order the tofu pizza dough.

Miles: Making pizza out of chickens makes the act of tossing the dough a lot more fun. Thank goodness they're flightless.

Mike considers what it would be like to order chicken as a topping on chicken.

Ian: I feel bad for the guy eating General Tso's pizza dough somewhere.

Peter: I'm eating and enjoying something without the mental capacity to understand what it is. I feel like a sea anemone.

Weirdly, when they put the fruit on top, it started screaming, "It burns! It burns!"

Ian: All of a sudden, "at your door in 30 minutes or less" sounds like a threat.

Miles: "Lock the door, it's Domino's!"

NPR Fact: Unpaid interns get double their salary for participating in Sandwich Monday.

Ian: This does bring up that age old-question: Which came first, the chicken or the end of the world?

Robert: Why stop here? Next time I'm ordering the turduckizza.

[The verdict: Tasty, and of course it is. It's fried chicken topped with cheese and, in some cases, bacon. But I don't know, maybe I'm a traditionalist, I just think chicken should stay where it belongs: replacing the bread on sandwiches.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!