In the years 2013 and 2014 Beverly Thorn’s husband, Walt, began having reasoning and memory problems. Walt, by all accounts a brilliant, highly organized professor and associate dean in UA’s College of Business, had trouble with spelling and simple arithmetic, could not easily read the paper.
His speech was becoming halting; he was often anxious and obsessed with mundane matters like his pet chihuahua’s kibble. He was forgetful, not as efficient or productive, somewhat socially withdrawn, and edgier, quicker to anger, and was aware of it. It seems highly intelligent individuals are more sensitive to the variations in their own cognitive abilities.
Dr. Thorn, a psychologist and prior head of her department, went with Walt to the UAB Brain Aging and Memory clinic where a test of spinal fluid revealed what had been feared for some time. Walt was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. This diagnosis sets the couple on a journey that would last until Walt’s death of Alzheimer’s in 2020.
In this tenderly written and highly organized caretaker’s memoir, Thorn tells the story of those years, their fight to slow the disease and the ways in which they coped and tried to get the most out of the days remaining—taking what pleasures they could—enjoying good food, seeing family and friends and travelling for as long as it was possible.
Dr. Thorn struggled to keep her own mental, emotional balance, to avoid anger at what had befallen them, to avoid disappointment when friends and family did not seem to understand or be supportive enough, and to avoid berating herself for not being patient to a saintly degree. Finally, she tells the reader: one is just human.
This memoir, by a trained psychologist who was already the author of two books and numerous studies, is exceptionally useful for the hundreds of thousands who will be going through this terrible experience. She shares as “Facts and Insights” summaries of lessons learned. For example: Walt was interested in death with dignity, either self-administered or assisted suicide. This turns out to be very problematic legally in America. Since the timing of Alzheimer’s death cannot be precisely predicted, as being less than six months away, it’s nearly impossible.
Very importantly: proper paperwork, directives, wills, living wills, durable powers of attorney and so on must be done and done right. Thorn also includes lists of resources, websites, books, articles, for those who, unfortunately, will need them.
This is not, obviously, a humorous book, but in the first chapter Thorne includes this story.Towards the end the couple are making Thanksgiving dinner. The salad dressing goes missing. The next morning Thorn finds the salad dressing, bowl and whisk in the freezer along with a butcher knife and a glass of tomato juice.
In a situation where you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, you might as well laugh.
