An odd theme has emerged in my world lately. I mentioned at lunch with some friends not long ago that I’d love to find places to go where I’m wanted but not needed. It’s an interesting thought – to be wanted but not needed. As a father right now, I’m mostly needed. At home with my wife and kids, I lift some heavy things, I fix some broken things, I pay for a lot of things. I make calls on behalf of my kids, and then I meet them different places to do all these things. In the next few weeks, I think there may be trips to college campuses to lift, fix, pay, and make calls for. It’s the role in my life right now, but where am I wanted? Where can I go and who can I be with where I will feel wanted and, this is important, I want to be there, too? And, frankly, how important is all this, anyway?
One of my lunch companions said he likes being needed. He’s the father of young children and feels he’s fulfilling his role as a father when his children need him, and he is, and that’s all good. I felt that way back in the day. Or at least I think I remember feeling that way.
Wanted but not needed is often friendship. Do I have any friendships where I’m wanted but not needed, and I’m happy to say that I think I do. Which is part of the theme that’s emerged recently. Several podcasts and books have surfaced in recent days about friendships. I’ve not sought them, they’ve simply shown up. One was a woman studying friendship and she talked about them on her podcast about how we may have lots of acquaintances but few friends and what is it about some friendships that are so much more special than others. She was a therapist, and she talked about how friendships had become a part of her most recent study.
The other was an author I know who lives in Albany, New York. He recommended a book called Soul Friends. Again, I didn’t ask him about friendships or anything, but the course of our conversation led him to suggest this book. It’s about these special friendships that are wanted but not needed. The book’s introduction challenges the reader to list their top friendships in their lifetime. Not the ones we think we should write, the author suggests, but the friends we felt truly connected to in a whole different degree. He suggested we’d likely not have more than ten or twelve in a lifetime. I wrote eight. Some of these friends I’ve not seen nor spoken to in a long time. Some I speak to very infrequently but consider them close friends. Some probably would be surprised that their name wound up on my list. These are all people, who, I think, want me around but don’t need me around.
So, think about that for a moment. Where are you wanted but not needed? Where do you go where people just like it that you’re there? They’re special places and, chances are, all of us could use more of them.
I’m Cam Marston, and I’m just trying to Keep it Real.
