I’m paid to speak at few dozen conferences each year. My audiences are all very similar – thinning, brown-haired, slightly overweight, middle aged white guys. These are my people. Their assessments of my content and delivery determine the loudness of the applause, if any, and whether I’ll ever get invited back. I’ve seen what these people find funny and what they find important, and after doing this for over twenty years, I’ve identified some meeting and convention themes that are now well known.
The location of the conference is not relevant. These events have been homogenized. Right now, I’m flying home from Ft Myers. Last week, it was Biloxi. Next week, it will be Monterey, California and Ft Worth. Location is irrelevant. It’s all the same. Here’s what you can expect:
First – Classic Rock. It will be played as people file in on day one, in the breaks, and after the final keynote. It will be vanilla classic rock. Nothing too loud, nothing too rebellious. You will certainly hear “Right Now” by Van Halen at least once and see the thinning haired men mouthing “Right Now!” along with Sammy Hagar, thinking they’re invisible. Maybe a flash of air guitar on their thigh. You’ll also hear “Can’t Stop the Feeling,” “Uptown Funk,” and “Happy.” “I Got A Feeling” by the Black Eyes Peas will close out Day one. Count on it.
Second – At least one keynoter will tell the familiar story that children are born full of curiosity only to have adults and schooling beat it out of them. “Why do we do this?” they’ll always ask. “Why can’t we grow kid’s curiosity instead of take it away?” People will nod. This story happens at least once in every conference, guaranteed.
Third – Multiple speakers will give different examples of how Apple does things differently, of how Apple sees the world differently, on why Apple’s competitors didn’t see the iPhone coming, but the evidence was everywhere. Lots and lots of references to Apple and Apple products and Apple’s savvy and intelligent design. The speaker will extrapolate some sort of lesson from it. Count on it.
Last – there will be at least one mention of Warren Buffett and his investing philosophy, and how this applies to much more than investing, it applies to life, or something like that. No one would dare contradict a Buffett wisdom. It’s unimpeachable. Speakers know quoting Buffett will get lots of thinning brown-haired heads nodding.
I’ve daydreamed of making Meeting and Convention Bingo cards with squares filled with song names, predictable Apple stories, predictable disruption stores, and the center square being “How is everyone doing today? I’m not sure I believe you. How is everyone doing today?” I’d pass them out at a conference. It would get some laughs, and I’d never ever, ever be invited back.
I’m Cam Marston, just trying to keep it real.
