We got a puppy. Her name is Rosie. She’s a doodle of some sort, and while I say we got a puppy, truth be told, my wife got herself a puppy, and the family will share it with her. My wife stalked Rosie down when the litter was one week old. It was in Hudson, Indiana and she found it through an online search using something called puppyfinder.com. Rosie came from a litter that had its own web page. Long gone are the days of classified ads in the newspaper announcing free puppies to anyone who can come get them. Rosie has a microchip. She has papers or something like that, and I don’t have the courage to ask how much she cost. My wife drove twenty hours round trip with a night in a hotel to get her.
Rosie is the boss of our house right now. I’m unsure if she is our pet, or if we are her pet. If a pet is defined as an animal that brings joy and entertainment, then we are most definitely her pet. Any whine from the dog gets someone’s full attention. Whenever she goes for a toy, someone is there to help her play with it, and she has wipers. She uses the bathroom with reckless abandon, and someone is there to wipe it up and wipe her up. No sultan or pharaoh ever had it so good.
She sleeps sporadically. We take turns getting up with her throughout the night, me standing outside in the cold in the dark in my underwear saying things in a high-pitched dog voice that I hope will goad her in to going to the bathroom. “Be a good girl, Rosie. Be a good girl. You know you need to go. Go ahead. Be a good girl. Squat, please. Squat. Please.” Then I bring her back to her crate and get back into my warm bed, hoping she won’t whine. Long ago, when our kids wouldn’t go to sleep, we’d feed them Benadryl. However, get caught drugging a dog so that it will sleep will call out the pet gestapo. People will tolerate some sort of non-traditional methods of raising your children, but get caught doing something considered unusual to a dog and whew. People will take your pet from you then burn your house down.
Puppies are perhaps the cutest animals on the planet, but they require vigilance, surveillance. My wife has paid and subscribed to an app on how to raise puppies and train dogs. It says we aren’t to tell the puppy "no" until they’re older. I didn’t ask my wife if there were fine print telling us to throw our common sense out the window, but we have, in favor of an app. Thankfully the app has not prohibited me from hollering "WHAT ARE YOU CHEWING NOW," or "DON’T BITE THAT, DON’T BITE THAT," Or "WAIT, WAIT! LET ME GET YOU OUTSIDE!" Or saying to my wife, I think it’s your turn to wipe it up.
I’m Cam Marston, just trying to Keep It Real.
