Imagine a Carnival Cruise ship out at sea and, loaded with passengers, headed full speed for the coast of the Dominican Republic and crashing ashore not far from Punta Cana. Then, rather than clean up the mess, they turn the wreckage into a hotel, add a bunch more swimming pools and put loud Bose speakers everywhere and call it the “Hard Rock All-Inclusive Sodom and Gomorrah Resort and Hotel Punta Cana.” That’s where I was last week. That’s not the actual name by the way.
Now, I know very clearly how I sound right now. All fleuf de fleuf and high and mighty and all that - very snobby, very nose in the air. I get it, but…have you been there? If your answer’s “no,” let me tell you.
It’s a tradition of my kid’s high school that the senior class gathers and heads to the Caribbean with their parents for Spring Break. I’ve conveniently excused myself from my two oldest kid’s trips but was urgently requested to go with my wife and our twins this last time. I was one of about 55 people that joined together for the trip. The resort boasts nearly 2000 rooms, a dozen or so pools, one casino, a waterpark, countless shops, a pile of restaurants, one “umph umph umph” night club and all the cheap alcohol you can possibly hold.
My kids ate whenever and wherever and whatever they wanted. They learned where the adults would be hanging out and found a different place far, far away. They bathed late in the evening and then headed to the “umph umph umph” night club each night after it opened at 10pm and came home in the early hours laughing about what they had all done together. They were in heaven. My wife and I, sleeping together in a twin bed, which was closer than the two of us had slept to one another in decades, asked few questions when they got in mainly because we were sunburned, tired, and begging to get back to a poor sleep knowing that the music outside our room would start very early.
And it did. The rock and roll music begins promptly at 7am and is played resort wide. We know this because we had one of those Bose speakers right outside our balcony. Each balcony, by the way, comes with a bathtub on it. After nightfall, everyone walking on the sidewalks looked at the heads of the people in their bathtubs up on their balconies wondering if anyone had any clothes on. We drew conclusions based on their giggles.
Saturday night we arrived back in Mobile. I can’t remember ever being that tired. My sunburned body looked like a bad Picasso painting where I missed with the suntan lotion all over my chest and back. From bed, I heard my wife ask my favorite youngest daughter about her favorite part of the trip. She said it was dancing with Dad in the nightclub the night before we left.
So, it was all worth it.
I’m Cam Marston, and I’m just trying to Keep it Real.
