More often than not, when I ask someone who has retired in the past two years, their answer is nearly exactly the same. They say, “Well, retirement’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Why? They worked so hard for it, now they have it. So, what’s missing? My work has steered me into retirement studies. Most people think about money when they think about retirement planning, but I’m learning money is not the only thing you need to plan for. There’s more, and it’s something seldom discussed.
The greatest problem in retirement, I’m learning, is the sudden loss of purpose, work provided purpose, and even if you didn’t like the purpose, or if the purpose wasn’t compelling to you, it was something. Retirement means that this purpose suddenly disappears. It vanishes overnight, and people struggle when they have no purpose. Most retirees say they can’t wait to have more time to pursue their hobbies but, again, research shows that after about six months, the things people did as recreation while they were working loses its appeal when done too frequently. Playing golf, gardening, visiting kids and grandkids, playing cards, and taking cruises and whatever don’t constitute a purpose. Purpose is the fuel for a happy retirement, and the best retirements include new purposes that involve giving back in some way, like teaching or mentoring, and include learning something where advancing skill and advancing creativity is visible like playing guitar, writing, learning to garden and even learning to play golf. It’s learning something that will take you from novice towards mastery. Not achieving mastery, just progressing towards it so that achievement is visible.
The greatest predictor of a long life plus a happy retirement are a meaningful purpose plus the social connections in retirement. Most people’s social connections while working are with the people they work with, work friends. These relationships are generated by proximity. You’re near them, speak to them regularly and share mission. You’re working towards shared goals. Those two are both important, and as much as you may think your work friends and you may never not be friends, about 80% of work relationships quickly fade in retirement. Without the proximity or the shared mission of work, there’s little to keep you connected.
I’m not ready to retire. I’ve got a good number of years yet, and I’m especially not ready after learning what I need to do to prepare for a happy retirement. I’m vulnerable to an unhappy one right now, and I need to get my act together. Retirement can easily be 20 years or more. It’s so long they call it a second adulthood, and I struggled, and continue to struggle, through my first adulthood. I need some time, some hobbies, some friends and a plan for a new purpose if I want to get this next one right. I got a lot of work to do to get ready for work to be over.
I’m Cam Marston, and I’m just trying to Keep it Real.
